I met my first girlfriend through FitFinder.
Only thing is – I was FitFinder.
Many people knew this already. I’ve admitted it before.
Oh, the power.
I had 5500 followers and enough information about enough people to fill a pool with drama and do the butterfly up and down, revelling in the anguish, hate, spite and jealousy that sloshed up to my neck.
It was beautiful, magnificent chaos.
Let me tell you the story of how it began, and how it ended.
I had a friend – a great friend – named Khila. She had a cousin who studied in London, at RHUL. RHUL had a few Facebook pages to its merit, mostly run by students.
RHUL FitFinder and RHUL Confessions were two of them.
Khila and I would stalk these pages, marvelling at their college humour and juicy, drama-ridden lives. That’s when I thought…why not UKZN?
So, it began.
First I set up UKZN Confessions. I had the Gmail address and the pseudo profile ready to go.
I lost interest.
Somebody probably dumped me or something and I took to wallowing in self-pity or rebounding. Maybe I’d just found a good book.
A few months later, UCT Confessions burst on the scene.
And to think, if I’d just gone through with it, I could have brought the phenomena to South Africa.
Soon after, UKZN Confessions popped up.
I would not waste another second.
UKZN FitFinder was born – the first of its kind.
It was a Facebook page where students could share their thoughts, feelings and stories anonymously.
And boy, they did.
But before success, I had to get people to notice FitFinder.
To launch FitFinder anonymously, I had to slip in a hint to my friends. I tried to be unattached and cool about it. They suspected though.
I know they did.
Nevertheless, those 7 guys unknowingly were the key to my success.
Oh, did it boom.
The follows reached the thousands, there were newspaper articles, lecturers spoke about it in theatres, and every now and again, I’d pass people, hearing them whispering about the notorious FitFinder.
My tiny inward smile.
People started dressing up and seeking attention. Howard College got a whole lot more interesting while I reigned.
The page came with a voice – my voice. I would comment, post, reprimand and entertain. I was too involved. FitFinder was my baby.
People responded though. There were countless submissions about Fitty, Leo, L or FitFinder.
I flipped through pseudonyms like I changed my underwear.
People wanted me to take them on dates, tell them about my disbeliefs, and correct their grammar. Other people wanted to poke me in the eye with a stick. Love and hate poured in from men and women, and I loved it.
…until people started posting about me, Lola.
There were some good ones.
“Lola Whiteley is the best thing since sliced bread.”
There were some not so good ones.
“Y are u all putting Lola on a pedestal? If u guys only knew the real Lola, the Lola that dumped a guy she ws dating for a year, and started dating a guy she met only a week before. Or the Lola that cheated on her bf with his brother.
P.S: i hav never met u Lola, but we have mutual friends that dnt shut up abwt u.”
I didn’t post the above FitFind. It hurt me in a special place. For one, I’d never cheated on anyone with their brother. I try as far as possible to not live out Vampire Diaries. However, I have cheated, although not with people’s relatives, and I have rebounded.
I maintain that timing is never right or wrong – timing simply is. How you go about your actions makes the difference. I learned this the hard way.
It took a while to grow up.
Then there were the funny ones.
“Lola Whiteley, you really are pretty but why are your profile pictures so white, when I see you, you’re much more brown… Teach me how to take a picture like you please. Sincerely, a fan of your profile pictures and maybe a slight hater, since I also want to look that fair…”
My response had about 80 likes. Those who read it remember to love their window.
I wasn’t the only personality on the page though. Remember Fitler? Genesis?
A few months in, I no longer could deal with the demands of the public and simultaneously enjoy my favourite pastime – laziness. I needed help.
How I picked this partner is a slightly embarrassing story.
I needed a filler. That filler (a randomized post used to maintain numbering in the place of spam) came about at the expense of an engineering student at Howard. He’d seen me make a complete ass of myself, and laughed at me. It was refreshingly silly. It made my awful day.
It was the first and only time I’d ever posted about a guy as a filler, and only to fondly say thank you. I did not want his babies.
Someone replied telling me he was gay.
Naturally, I was surprised. He was unnaturally good-looking. Why does this always happen?
Obliviously, I replied as FitFinder. Quick to remove it, I then replied as myself.
I was not fast enough.
I was exposed.
Luckily, this handsome, charming, terribly witty man who’d caught me out (I’m assuming, we’ve never met) was a genuinely nice guy. So, I brought him on board.
This was the best decision I ever made. Including that one time I said no to drugs. The public latched on to him like malnourished leeches.
Together, we entertained thousands.
It was too good to be true. Soon came the post that led to a series of events that would bring about the demise of everything I’d worked for.
“Wish I could be as confident as Tas Kreep or Lola when it comes to boys! Any tips? Whenever see a guy I like approaching I end up walking in the opposite direction or say something really stupid to his face!Unfortunately I’m attracted to shy guys ,that wear glasses and have their heads stuck in their math books! Whyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Tas and Lola. I’d like to see that. Just throwing it out there. Anyone agree?”
I, FitFinder, found romance on FitFinder.
We commented, inboxed, chatted and then met, and what followed was a most chaotic and electric relationship, however short-lived it was. To me, anyway.
Tas, alone, received a colossal amount of attention on FitFinder. This created friction, seeing as I was directly the cause of her being collateral damage.
As you can imagine, this created tension.
It was also leverage, on her part.
So, to everyone who wants closure, I shut down FitFinder because of Tas. I need not have, but I did.
The only way to end the drama – threats of exposure, possible charges and exploitation, from her and others – was to end the page and to terminate Tas.
She did dump me though. I simply kept it that way.
NOW, for those old fans who were interested enough to read to the end, you’ll be pleased to know that my old partner, Fitler/Genesis X, has decided to bring sexy back.
And UKZN FitFinder.
Have fun. Don’t post about Tas.
NB. I have been offered drugs more than once.